written by Mary Rose Betten
I used to come home from performing my one woman show at the theatre – crawl into bed with my husband, audience applause ringing in my ears, we’d snuggle and he’d whisper: “I want you to remember that applause, okay? Whenever your spirits get down. Promise me you will never forget that applause.” I would laugh and promise: ‘Okay, I will never forget.’
Years went by, twenty, thirty, forty, until the night of Presidents day 2011 when I came home from a one-night performance, applause ringing in my ears, crawled into my empty kingsized bed. That ocean of a bed where I wavered, aimless as a stick thrown for a dog the wind blowing branches against the window, scratching lines never to be read and announced to the night: ‘I don’t want to be an actress, I want to be a sage. A great cast iron bird atop some weathered barn in the middle of nowhere indicating: ‘This way, this way, come along, I’ll show you the way. I’ll keep you safe.’
I woke to morning sunlight, my brain marinated, fingers aching to announce, ‘The wind is blowing this way. Feel it? Come along.’ Quickly I found my bathrobe, snuggled into the canoe of my writing chair, laptop for an oar and headed out, navigating the threat of empty space, Henry Miller’s words mapping my path. “Stop looking for a miracle,” Henry bellowed, (Henry never whispered) “You are the miracle.” And I wrote my way back to shore promising I would write, write, write.
All I can say is I’m sorry I didn’t read this sooner. I will pick up my oar today because of you.
Wow!! Mary Rose, you captured the power of writing, of the arts, to nourish us and bring us back to wholeness. Thank you so much for showing us the way back to shore from the deep waters. Blessings upon you.
Your most welcome inspiring note greeted me from the mailbox as I came home from book club tonight. I know the loss of a love, and you describe it very well. Anything you write is manna for my desert life. It is nourishing, and I cherish every bite. You always were my guiding light, no my huge spark, when we were in seventh and eighth grade. Thanks for the write! Love from Texas to California
You have a wonderful way of expressing deep emotion in a unique and interesting style. The pictures your writing draws are inspiring. Thanks for demonstrating how nourishing and cathartic words can be.
I loved how you described your feelings and I was there, listening and understanding. Thank you for being such an inspiration!
Sorry for the redundancy. Blame the computer.:)
Your writing always moves me and this one is awesome. In fact, inspiring me to get on with my own writing and less ruminating on blogs before I collapse into fatally fetal position. Love you, Ann
Loved this and awed by your unfolding your thoughts and feelings in such a way. Inspired me to move this brain back into the writing before I blog mself into boredom. Love you. Ann
See? This is why I love you– well– it’s one of them anyway.
Absolutely beautiful! It never seizes to amaze me that life is the deepest form of inspiration! And the power of words is often the best life source in surviving it!